Legacy: Part 2: Finding Faith

Lillian Steiger did not have an easy life.  Circumstances, some self-inflicted, caused her to be often looked down upon by society, and, I think, she sometimes felt desperate for love and acceptance.  I have a feeling she often struggled with doubt.  I don't know if she ever found faith, but I do know that that somehow, either through watching her own mother struggle or through watching her mother climb out of her doubt, Lillian's youngest daughter, Bernice, became a woman of great faith.  And THAT is the legacy I wish to pass to my children.

Bernice Hepner was my grandmother.  Although, for 20-some years, she always told me that I was her daughter twice--once through genealogy and once through Christ's family, because it was my grandma Hepner who held me on her lap and led me to Christ when I was four years old.  

Several years ago, when reminiscing about my childhood with my grandma, she said that she couldn't remember leading me to Christ.  It made me sad.  

But I can't say I was surprised.  

Grandma forgot everything.  

How to drive.  Where her glasses were.  Who she was talking to.  What she was doing.  How to play Oh No 99.  Who she was mad at.  What she was laughing at.  Where she parked the car.  How to use the computer.  

Oh, wait.  She never knew how to do that.  

I think I've figured out why Grandma forgot things so easily:  Her mental files were too full of her knowledge of God.  

See, to have faith in God, one must know intimately who He is.  And Grandma knew, because Grandma had faith.  

Grandma's faith in God was most evident in her prayer life.  She prayed for everybody.  Even the mayor.  She prayed for the local bar, the Mad Bull, to burn down.  And it did.  Twice.  

And most of all, she prayed for her family.  

Jesus says, "Ask, and it will be given to you.  Seek, and you will find.  Knock and the door will be open to you."  Matthew 7:7

When we get to heaven, i think we are going to see that grandma prayed us through a lot of things.  

One gift for which I will always be indebted to my grandmother is the gift of my husband's salvation.  

From the moment I was born, Grandma told me she was praying for my future spouse.  At eight, I told her to give it up; I was never going to like boys.  She made me state it in writing and gave me this "contract" for a wedding present!

Marc, my main squeeze, was five years old when I was born.

And at age five, right when my grandma started praying for my future husband, Marc felt led, though raised in a spiritual void, to go to church.  He bravely walked next door and asked the neighbors if he could attend church with them.  At five.  Seriously.

Talk about the work of the Holy Spirit.

Talk about an answer to prayer.

Jesus also said, "You don't have enough faith...I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say  to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move.  Nothing would be impossible."  Matthew 17:20

Grandma had enough faith.

And I want to have enough faith.

So I can teach my children to have enough faith.

So that they can teach their children to have enough faith.

A legacy.

Hebrews 11:1  Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.  

Legacy Part 1: Anna's Son

Love

Luke 6:45:  A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart.  What you say flows from what is in your heart.  

My MOMS small group leader, Julie, talks a lot about leaving a legacy.  

It's a concept I am beginning to truly understand and a blessing for which I am learning to be immeasurably grateful.  

One thing I've learned is that a meaningful, lasting legacy must be one built solidly on God and His Word.  It is truly the only thing that matters.  When that is the case, a family can leave for its descendants all kinds of lasting legacies:  love, faith, grace, compassion, peace, etc.  

When choosing names for our girls, Marc and I felt very strongly that we wanted their names to symbolize the blessing of legacy we've received.  We wanted to intentionally choose names that represent the people who have gifted us with Godly characteristics that we want to pass down to our children.  

So here they are...

Lilly Ann Sue  

and   

Emma Lee Ayla

Now, believe it or not, those names honor 8 special people in our lives, and over the next few weeks, I want to take the opportunity to introduce you to each of them and to share with you the legacy they've left for their loved ones.  

First up:  Anna Hepner

Now, I will tell you this...I don't know much about my great grandmother.  I honestly can't recall too many stories that I was told about her, but I did know her son.  And I think that we can learn a lot of people by studying their children.  So let me tell you about Anna's son.  

Grandpa Hepner with his arm around his mother, Anna Hepner

For most of my life, my grandpa, Charles Hepner, was strong, hard working, physically fit, intelligent, witty, wise, fun loving, and a lover of all things classic:  music, movies, and fashion styles.  He listened to Benny Goodman, watched Meet Me in St. Louis, and wore neatly press slacks belted snugly over tucked-in collared shirts.  He also wore socks with his sandals.  Grandpa Hepner loved Worther's candy, and was more than willing to share as long as you were more than willing to learn a lesson in being polite.  He loved jokes, he loved the Lawrence Welk show, and he loved my grandma.  They didn't have a perfect relationship, but they worked hard at honoring God and loving each other.  Grandpa's handshake was firm, and his hands were open.  Always.  He gave to anyone in need, and in his nineties and on a fixed income, he tithed 17% of his earnings to the church.  My grandpa wasn't flowery.  His hugs were gruff, his whiskers were scratchy, and his words were firm.  

I said goodbye to this grandpa in March of 2009.  At the age of 92, he had a stroke that left him weak and unable to speak clearly.  The stroke turned him inside out.  All of the things that I had known about him were now trapped inside a body and a brain that refused to work properly.  I believed he was still strong, still hard working, still intelligent, witty, wise, and fun loving, but he couldn't show those things to the world anymore.  Instead, what he wore outwardly in its place was everything he had been hiding in his heart for 92 years.  

Psalm 119:11:  I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.  

He became vulnerable.  Emotional.  Physically affectionate.  Grateful.  Overflowing with praise for God and thanks for his family and friends.  It was sometimes hard for him to control his emotions, which made me realize that even though he presented a calm front all those years, inside life must have been much harder than he always made it seem.  Most beautiful of all, he could not stop expressing his love. 

He and my grandma went to live in an assisted living facility, and due to their complex physical needs, they staff was forced to rearrange their room several times.  My grandpa and grandma gave the nurses and aids fits with this because their chairs JUST HAD to be close enough so that they could hold hands. :)  

When my grandpa was injured in a fall, he was required to go to a hospital and then a nursing home.  He was close to 94 at that time.  Grandpa single handedly put a security guard on the ground because, in his confused state, he couldn't understand why he couldn't leave and see to my grandma.  And our family had to transport Grandma to see Grandpa every few days during the length of his stay because he couldn't stand to be without her.  

After receiving some income that had to be spent immediately, Grandpa and Grandma, of course, wanted to give it away.  But the government wouldn't let them.  So, instead, my mother got the privilege of taking her parents engagement ring shopping--my grandpa insisted that he get my grandma a new diamond.  She was the talk of the facility, let me tell you!  

My grandpa would get so excited when we came to visit.  He made us feel so welcome.  And in his broken, beautiful way, he would never hesitate to say to us, "Thank you, thank you, thank you" or "I love you, I love you, I love you."  

As I got to know this man, I realized that God was giving all of us a wonderful gift.  My grandpa was not perfect, and perhaps his biggest flaw was pride.  That pride had kept him from being able to show all of us the true measure of his heart.  But God made life so that we could see it anyways.  And this second grandpa, the one that was only with me for four years, left just as big of an imprint on my life as the one I had known for twenty-four years.  

I am finding that strokes aren't the only things that turn people inside out.  Loss.  Hardships.  Trials.  Financial struggles.  All of these things have the power to incapacitate a person's outside character and highlight the inner workings of their heart, good and bad.  

Adoption is no different.  

And so, as we face the WAIT, which is so much more painful than the paperwork, I am reminded of the legacy my great-grandma gave to me through her son--my grandpa.  When he was turned inside out, all we saw was love.  Let it be the same for me through this process, so that one day, Will, Mike, Lilly, and Leily may say, our mom left us a legacy of love.  

1 Corinthians 13

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud  or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture!  But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless. When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.  Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.  Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.