Which, naturally, meant that everything going wrong suddenly seemed way, way worse!
And at 6:24 pm, I looked at my husband and said, "Oh! I haven't even cooked dinner yet!"
And he said, "I know! What are you making?"
And I wailed, "I don't know!!!!!!!"
He kindly tried to help by saying, "Well, honey, what do you feel like?"
And I replied a tad dramatically, "What do I feel like?
WHAT DO I FEEL LIKE?
I FEEL LIKE DISAPPEARING FOR ETERNITY INTO A ROOM WITH LOTS OF PILLOWS AND A BOOK!"
He smiled.
"And chocolate."
Sniff, sniff.
He lovingly produced a carton of ice cream, a sauce pan for a bowl, and a wooden spoon. Then, goodies in hand, he escorted me to our bedroom and handed me Jane Eyre. He shut the door, went downstairs, and grilled burgers.
Sigh.
I have a wonderful husband.
(This is awesomeness right here!)
I enjoyed by Neapolitan ice cream and British romance, but I must admit...as the troops tromped up the stairs to get ready for tuck-in time, I started to fell awful. As nice as it was to indulge myself a little, I had also missed out on some high quality family time.
:(
And, honestly, regret is usually (okay, always) the outcome whenever I do something because I feel like it.
Emotions are powerful.
Emotions are created by God.
Emotions are given to us for a reason.
But that reason is NOT to motivate or determine our actions.
A wise woman named Melissa Spencer said that our emotions are meant to signal us that there's a problem. but they shouldn't determine how we address the problem.
Think of a class full of elementary students. When the fire alarm goes off, it signals to the children that there is a problem. If the alarm itself motivated or determined the actions of the students, they would:
-scream
-yell
-run
-cry
It would be pandemonium!
But instead, they look to their teacher to tell them what it means and how they should respond, and the teacher tells them to walk quietly out of the building in single file because there is danger.
That's what we're supposed to do. When our emotions send us a signal, we're supposed to look to our Teacher to see what we need to do.
At the end of a recent sermon, Pastor Gebhards gave us three words:
FEELING
THOUGHT
TRUTH
Pastor G said that the only thing on this list that should motivate or determine our actions is the last one: TRUTH.
Why?
Because my feelings will deceive me.
Because my thoughts will deceive me.
Because my thoughts and my feelings are mine.
The Bible says, The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Jeremiah 17:9
And, "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine." Isaiah 55:8
But truth comes from God.
John 14:6: Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me."
So what does all this mean?
When I find myself feeling scared or angry or sad or hopeless or out of control, then I need to realize that is a signal that something is wrong. In me. I need to go to my Teacher, and figure out what Truth of His applies to the situation at hand. I need to go to the One who gave me Scripture, and figure out what God wants to change in me. Because if there's a change that needs to be made, it's going to be in my heart.
Do I need compassion? Faith? Joy? Peace? Selflessness?
What does God want to change in me?
Then, whatever it is, I need to act it out even if I don't feel like it.
Because it's truth, from God.
And when I trust, and when I obey, then God will meet me and give me proper motivation and appropriate emotion.
Author Linda Dillow puts it this way: God does give us motivation, God does give us feelings, but usually they come as a result of our obedience to Him. We must first make a decision of the will and then act, stepping out in obedience to God. God promises He is at work within us, doing His part. And that's exciting!
It WORKS!
I promise.
Not that I'm great at it.
But when I get it,
I GET IT!
I get compassion and faith and joy and peace and selflessness and a whole slew of other things that are gifts from God himself.
I am visual.
So this is what I have had to do. I have had to write down on paper every worry I have about our adoption. And then, underneath, I list the Truth from Scripture breathed by God that needs to drown out the emotions shouting and screaming worldly lies to me.
-paperwork delays
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. Romans 8:28-29
-worries about girls' safety
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7
-financial obstacles
And this same God who takes care of me will supply all from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
-persecution
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6
-self doubt
He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:29-31
-discouragement
Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light. Matthew 11:28-30
-worry
I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid. John 14:27
-concern over political state in the girls' country
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
When I do this, God will change me. But I can't give up. I can't stop after one try or two or three, I must keep persevering, giving it 100% until change happens.
And above all, I must remember this:
John 16:33 I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. but take heart, because i have overcome the world. John 16:33
PS I took a break half way through this post to pick up my son, and this song was on the radio. In the words of my husband, "If you're a Christian, you can't believe in coincidences!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7JTx1ScD-w&spfreload=10
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