February 10, 2014: Other family interested - surrendered the girls

I was at CCA, working, and when my class ended, I sat down and signed into a computer to check on the girls, as was my "norm."  And I saw that another family was interested.  Not committed, but interested.

I freaked out.

I told Rebecca, my friend at work, and she said, "Becky, this is a good thing.  This is about the girls, not you."

I told Marc.  He said the same thing.

I told Jenny.  She said the same thing.

Darn it.

Ugh.

They were right.

It was time to submit.  I spent some hard core time in my car, praying and crying and giving the girls to God.

He used them to soften my heart.

But they weren't mine.

They were His.

And I had to trust them to His care.

I had to trust that they would be in His hands.

I had to give them up.

And I did.

I said goodbye.

I committed to advocating for them, to sharing them until they were adopted.

But I gave them up.

I stopped daydreaming about a future with them, and focused on praying for their future family.  

I burned the "Ten Reasons We Should Adopt Nadia and Nancy Now" list, and I donated my "adoption fund" to a friend who was adopting.

I stopped banging against a door that God wasn't ready to open, a door I wasn't sure God was ever going to open, and I made a commitment to live where God had placed me and to trust Him and my husband.

It was the right thing to do.

I had to redo it CONSTANTLY, but there was sweet grace and comfort in the midst of the pain.

And I believed it was the end.

But in a thousand different ways, it was only the beginning.

As soon as I gave them up, and shut up, God started doing miraculous things in the heart of my husband.  Without my noise, Marc was able to settle his heart and listen intently to God's Word.

I never realized before then that my big mouth and my sinful desire for my own selfish plan could distract someone from God's plan.

The next several months were incredible as I silently watched God soften my husband's heart towards international special needs adoption and towards the adoption of the girls we knew only as Nadia and Nancy.

They were difficult months, but months I will never forget.

Hebrews 12:25-29   Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the One who is speaking. For if the people of Israel did not escape when they refused to listen to Moses, the earthly messenger, we will certainly not escape if we reject the One who speaks to us from heaven!  When God spoke from Mount Sinai his voice shook the earth, but now he makes another promise: “Once again I will shake not only the earth but the heavens also.”  This means that all of creation will be shaken and removed, so that only unshakable things will remain.  Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe.   For our God is a devouring fire.