Babies Don’t Grow on Trees, You Know.

So, my boys talked me into renting movies (I am NOT a movie buff).  We went to Family Video, where kids’ movies are free, and I unsuccessfully tried to talk them into things like Barbie and Mermaid and Tips on French Braiding Hair.  We wound up with a Ninja Turtles, two types of Batman, and the Justice League.  I can’t wait until I have girls!

Anyways…

We’re watching Justice League, and Elastic Man’s wife makes a voluptuous entrance with her Elasti-Baby and Weiner Dog.  She says something like, “Hey Mr. Stretchy Pants!  You and your sidekick need to take the kid and the pooch to the Art Show!  Now!” 

I can’t say I am a fan of the show’s portrayal of family dynamics. 

Then, Mrs. Bossy says something that about makes me fall off my chair.  She parts with, “Make sure you’re careful.  Babies don’t grow on trees, you know.” 

At first I chuckled.  I mean, duh!  Of course babies don’t grow on trees.  Can you imagine them hanging from their belly buttons, kicking and wiggling?  Maybe it was because I wasn't getting enough sleep, but the whole thing just tickled me.  I laughed and laughed. 

The phrase stuck with me. 

And after awhile, I realized that as silly as it was, it was a concept that people everywhere didn't seem to grasp.    

In Eastern Europe, where our girls are living, people only love perfect babies.  Ones with physical, mental, or emotional differences are tossed aside and locked away in cold, calloused institutions where they are neglected, starved, and abused.  They are no different than the apples at the orchard that are dismissed from the sale shelf because they are spotted or misshapen or soft on one side.  But babies aren't meant to be treated like apples.  

In America, we have legalized murder.  We call it abortion.  We rip babies out of their mommies’ tummies before they’re ready to survive on their own.  It’s like the man who mows over his tomato plants before they've blossomed because he doesn't want to take time to mow around them.  But babies aren't meant to be treated like tomatoes. 

As I was thinking of all of these things, the verses from Matthew 19:13-15 came to my mind:   Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them.  Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

And I grew angry at the people all around the world who treat babies like they are no more important than apples or tomatoes. 

It was then that a soft, still voice blew over my soul, stirred a memory in my head, and reminded me that I was no different. 

I used to treat my babies like they grew on trees. 

Sometimes, I still do. 

This is one of the most difficult lessons God has ever taught me, but it has definitely been the one filled with the most blessings. 

When Will was born, I was working at Wynford High School teaching Junior/Senior English, running the school newspaper, and planning prom.  I worked 60-70 hours a week, and was so occupied with my life at work that I often forgot to go home for dinner.  I even tried to schedule my baby’s due date over Easter vacation.    

I loved my job. 

So much so that I poured my whole heart into it—a heart that ultimately should have been God’s.  But I wasn't ready to surrender. 

It took a scary diagnosis and an incredibly patient and loving God to make me realize that he had called me to something far greater than what I was already doing. 

At three, Will was diagnosed with transient tic syndrome, a diagnosis that was later upgraded to Tourette’s Syndrome.  Up until that time, I was perfectly happy letting someone else—my mother—raise him and his brother, Michael, who is two years younger. 

What changed?  God used Will’s Tourette’s to make me see just how much I was missing and how precious the privilege of being a mother really is. 

When Will was diagnosed, we immediately began to search for ways to minimize his tics.  As we searched, we were encouraged to journal his daily diet and habits in order to find patterns and possibly triggers.  The main pattern that I began to notice throughout that process was that I did not spend very much time with my kids.  My mom actually fed them more meals a week than I did.  And it really bothered me. 

After twelve months of thinking and (not as much as I should have) praying over this revelation, God led our family to move out of our home state, away from our families and my job.  God used that time to knead and soften my selfish, hard heart, and when my husband suggested that I take this opportunity to stay home with our boys, I did not balk like I would have twelve months earlier. 

I decided to try my hand at being a stay at home mom.

I wasn't very good at it. 

I was impatient and inconsistent.  I was moody and easily frustrated.  I allowed my emotions to control my interactions with my children, and as a result, our relationship and their behavior did not improve.  After several months, I was desperate for help.  And just at that time, two new friends invited me to a Bible Study for Mothers. 

Through that Bible Study, I was introduced to Shepherding A Child’s Heart, a book by Ted Tripp that pulls amazing Biblical parenting advice and explains it clearly and simply. 

My life was changed!

I began to see my personal responsibility and privilege to parent my children, and I began to understand how to love my children through communication, discipline, and instruction.  I began to see that the focus of our interaction should not be their behavior but the state of their hearts.  I began to lead them to Christ and the glory of God’s redemption of our lives as I worked to know and understand them.  The difference was incredible. 

See, before, when I was not just a working mom but a work-a-holic-mom who hated leaving her job to go home to her kids, I didn't understand the value of my children.  But that changed, and as I started to search scripture, I began to see the truth of Psalms 127:3-5:  Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

I also began to see that I was not unlike my children:  desperate for love and guidance from my heavenly Father.  I learned to help them see that I wasn't pushing them anywhere; I was walking with them to the arms of our Savior.  

The change in our family was drastic.  My boys stopped being angry because I had stopped being angry.  My boys began to adopt attitudes of compassion and grace and love because they saw God’s compassion and grace and love flowing through me. 

It was through learning to love my children as Christ would have me love them that I learned about God’s true love for me.  I began to comprehend the verses in Psalm 139:13-16:  For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Since that time, my husband and I have read Shepherding a Child’s Heart together, and we are passionate sharers of our testimony.  God took our pitiful excuse for parenting, and by his grace, made us passionate searchers for Godly wisdom that will enhance our ability to make our children glorifiers of God. 

I fail daily.  I am selfish and lazy and impatient and fearful and unfocused on a regular basis.  But there is a difference now—I have tethered my calling as a parent to the will of God, and when I get off course, I work to confess my sins and align my actions with God’s directions in the Bible. 

And despite my daily failures, despite the moments when I still treat my precious children as if they grow on trees, God has chosen to add to our quiver through adoption. 

There will be hard days, and there will be days when I fail and when I am broken and when I must confess to God and my children that I have treated them poorly.  But I am confident that God is blessing us as we strive to follow His Will, and I am so grateful for his mercy. 

My prayer is this:  That we all may learn to appreciate children for what they are:  precious, beautiful gifts of God that are molded and formed and made in God’s image to give Him glory. 

 Ephesians 2:10: For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

I CANNOT SAVE THE WORLD

This. Is. Me.

Could that be a mullet?  Maybe.  I admit nothing.

Growing up, I was THAT KID.  You know, the one that led No-Littering Marches across the playground, spent her lunch money on Save The Whales t-shirts, and donated her entire life savings ($4.85) to her cousin’s missionary trip to Hungary and Romania.  (Don’t worry, folks; I didn't send myself into destitution.   My uncle was so touched by my gift that he gave me $20, which I used to start the Send-Becky-To-Math-Camp-Fund.  Go ahead.  Read that sentence again.  You didn't make a mistake.  It says MATH camp.) 

Anyways—if there was a cause, I was at the center of it, busting my tail and doing everything in my power to “make a difference” and “save the world.” 

What a joke.

No one can save the world. 

And the truth is, I wasn’t made to save the world.  If I had that power, God wouldn’t have needed to send his one and only Son, Jesus, to do it.

The Bible is very clear that saving the world is HIS job: 

John 3:16:  For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

Psalm 27:1:  The Lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid?  The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?

Acts 4:11-12:   For Jesus is the one referred to in the Scriptures, where it says, “The stone that you builders rejected has now become the cornerstone.”  There is salvation in no one else! God has given no other name under heaven by which we must be saved.

So if that’s true, then why do I try to save the world?

Pride.

Arrogance. 

Because I think I’m good enough. 

But I’m not. 

Romans 3:23:   For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

Romans 5:8:  But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

1 Timothy 1:15:  This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all.

See?

When I try to save the world, several things happen. 

#1:  I forget my own need for God.  I become judgmental of others and start to focus on their sins, completely ignoring the fact that mine are vast and ugly as well.  I also see myself as the answer instead of God, and as a result, I neglect my Heavenly Father, who is, indeed, everything. 

#2:  I get weary.  The world is SO, SO big, and I am SO, SO, small.  I do not have what it takes, not the money, not the time, not the resources, not even the compassion to help every single person on earth who “needs my help.” 

#3:  I get angry.  I don’t understand, with all the work and effort I’m putting into saving the world, why things aren’t getting any better!  I question why God isn’t fixing things the way I want Him to!  But God is not on his throne in Heaven to do my bidding; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. 

When I was in college, all Freshmen had to take a class called World Changers.  It was this cliché that was thrown around campus so much that it turned into a big joke. 

And we were kind of right. 

Being a World Changer is a big joke. 

It’s like a cup thinking it can cure dehydration. 

Or a scalpel thinking that, all by itself, it can perform life saving surgery. 

Cups and scalpels are tools used by people to perform jobs.  They do not heal bodies.  They do not quench thirst. 

We are tools of Christ, used to do His bidding, used to spread His saving power and life changing grace.

We are cups and scalpels, not water and surgeons. 

So as a tool of Christ, the World Changer, what am I to do?

He gives me His instructions in Matthew 28:19-20:  “Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

So it is my job to take Him to the ends of the earth so that He can save the world. 

When I realize this, that I am a tool of the World Changer, I find three tings to be true. 

#1.  I am not proud anymore.  To take Christ to others means that I must allow His light to shine through all my flaws, illuminating them as well as God’s grace and mercy and forgiveness and saving power.  Take Rahab, for example.  Though a changed woman, she will always be known as “the harlot.”  Talk about humility.  And talk about a shining light of God’s grace. 

#2.  I am refreshed.  It’s like playing football in the backyard of great-grandma Witter’s house when cousin Andy shows up and joins your team.  You can be losing by 20 touchdowns, but it’s okay because once he’s in the game, just snap the ball and hand off to him.  He’ll carry it to the end zone every time—with the whole opposing team on his back—because no one can tackle him.  That’s God.  He is unbeatable.  And YOU get to be on HIS team, if you humble your heart, turn from your sins, pick up your cross, and follow Him.  (A paraphrase of Luke 9:23)  

Yes, there is a cross.  A burden.  But it’s so much lighter than the sinful one we choose to carry around.  Here’s proof:  

Matthew 11:28-30:  Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

#3.  And finally…I’m not angry anymore.  Instead, I am filled with thankfulness when I realize that the God of the universe would use me to spread His world-changing message of eternal salvation and freedom from sin.  If there is still anger, it is not at God.  It is righteous anger, at those who profane the message of God and pervert it into something that defies His character and goodness.  And anger is (or should be) defined as this:  passion that motivates you to change something for the better.  Most the time, that change is something that must take place in my own heart—not someone else’s. 

I think, sometimes, in the adoption circles, people struggle with the idea of “Saving the World” because they’re continuously told things like what I myself have said to my adoptive parent friends: 

“You’re my hero!”

“You’re so brave!”

“I could never do what you are doing!”

And the truth is, while those words are nice to hear, they also come with expectations.  We as adoptive parents need to be brave heroes who do what no one else can do!  You begin to feel as though you are the only saving grace for these hurting children.  But even if you adopted 150 of them, there would still be more.  And that realization is enough to cripple even the bravest hero. 

I think, in order to be used by the one and only World Saver, we need to make it clear that we’re all “harlots” in our own ways.  We need people to understand that we are totally incapable of doing what we’ve been called to do—that surrendering to God in this is just as much about us being saved as it is the children we see as so desperately in need.  

We need to understand that, in God’s eyes, we’re all so desperately in need. 

Only then will others begin to understand that they don’t have to be a world changer or difference maker in order to follow God’s call to care for orphans.  They only have to be an empty cup.  A willing scalpel. 

God will do the rest. 

And when we all really get that, we’ll throw our capes and crowns at God’s feet, step back, and watch Him save the world. 

John 3:16-17:  For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.  God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.

How You Can Help!

This post is hard to write.

While I am ALWAYS the optimistic one, God has shown me through this adoption process that in my heart, I struggle with doubt.  The place I've struggled the most is in finances.

One of my spiritual heroes is Hudson Taylor.  He was a China missionary, and without asking for a dime, he raised over 4 million dollars for missions in China.  His philosophy on fundraising was this:  let God work in people's hearts.  He will lay upon them the need, and you will be blessed for it.

I'm finding it so hard to trust that God will supply our need!  Ahhh!  (In Michael's words, "But I don't want to be human!")

But I do want to step out in faith, even if I'm a little shaky.

So...

Here is our need.  But please, don't give unless you are 100% sure it is God calling you.

What do we really need, most of all?

PRAYER.

Adoption is redemption.

But it's not just about redeeming our girls, though I know God will work in their lives.  It's about redeeming and changing our hearts.  Our boys' hearts. And that is HARD WORK!  It is painful and humbling, but oh, so good!

Please pray that we will not shy away from the conviction we are finding at every turn as we search through scriptures.  Please pray that we also hold our boys in the fire so that they may be refined as well.  And please pray for our girls.  Pray for their safety and their preparation.  They are in a BAD place.

UNDERSTANDING

We are going to make a lot of mistakes.  We have already made a lot of mistakes.  Please love us through!  That means two things:  giving us grace, and giving us truth.

Don't be afraid to ask questions or to talk to us about your concerns.  We'd rather hear it from you than feel it from you.

And please, be up front with us if we need to seek your forgiveness.  Our minds and our hearts are scattered right now.

Finally, please accept our apologies.  There may be many of them.  Hug us often.  Give us scripture.  Cover us in it . Cover our house in it.  Cover our cars in it.  Cover our children in it.  Feel free to use Sharpie.

RESOURCES

I am going to be Hudson Taylor.  I am not going to ask for money.  Do we have a need?  Yes.  But, please, don't give unless you are sure God is calling you to it.  We truly want to honor Him throughout this process.

Here is a link that shows our financial need:

Collier Budget

Here are some fundraisers we are working through, if you feel God's call.

Post-It Note Fundraiser 

Quiet Books and Art By Will

And we don't just need money!  We could use all kinds of things:  clothes, a dresser, girl toys (we're a tad short on those!) and things we haven't even thought of yet!  And you don't have to buy anything!  If you see something, shoot us a text or a message on Facebook to let us know about it, and we'll check it out.

Philippians 4:19  And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Jesus Christ.  

Submission: Part 2

I love to laugh. 

God knows that. 

I know God knows that because He graciously gives me 1,572 reasons to laugh every day. 

Like yesterday, when I got home from tutoring all morning only to find that my pants were on inside out. 

HAHA! 

It was the second time I had done it. 

I also like to look back and laugh at my past self. 

You know, the girl in high school who though she had more wisdom than her parents. 

HA. 

Or the mother of one, who, pregnant with #2, thought she had learned everything there was to know about parenting and who though she would have no problems with her second child because, of course, he would be just like kid #1. 

Right.

Because that happens to

NO ONE.

EVER. 

(This is our family...right around the time I thought I knew it all.  I also thought I wanted my husband to keep that thing on his chin forever.  Thank the Lord I saw the light on that one!)  

I now know that Kid #1 is only the first hurdle in the long distance race of parenting. 

I think that’s kind of how I was with submission.  I got over the first hurdle…thinking that the sinful beast of rebellion was conquered for good….only to find that I had climbed a mere foothill at the base of a long, tall chain of mountains. 

I have been studying James, and at the end of chapter 4, I found these verses:  13-17:  Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year.  We will do business there and make a profit.”  How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?  Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.  What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.”  Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil.  Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.

I read these verses right before we were getting ready to announce to the world that we were going to adopt twin girls from Eastern Europe.  And I was like, “OH!  Wise point, James!  I need to add LORD WILLING to my big blog post announcement!” 

So off I went to the computer to type them in. 

As I pushed those keys, their weight became suffocating. 

LORD WILLING.

LORD WILLING.

LORD.

WILLING.

The Lord might not will us to do this!

But he called us to it!  We’re sure of that, I argued with myself. 

 And the still, small voice of heavenly reason whispered back, “Yes, Becky, but this journey is not about you.  Or the girls.  It is about bringing glory and honor to God.  You must be willing to submit to his path for you, even if it doesn’t end the way you plan.  To God be the glory.  Not to Becky.  Not even to the sweet souls known on Reece’s Rainbow as Nadia and Nancy.”  **

Ugh.  I clumped back to my study books. 

John MacArthur referred to people who boasted of their plans without leaving room for God’s divine sovereignty as practical atheists. 

That’s a pretty strong statement. 

But it’s true. 

Matthew Henry put it this way:  James says that we must be constantly aware of how dependent we are on God’s Will.  It is vital that we say “Lord Willing” at all times, reverently and seriously, out loud when appropriate and always in our prayers and devotions. 

The bottom line is, I can’t brag to the world that Marc and I are going to adopt these beautiful girls because: 

1.       That miraculous event would be God’s to claim, not ours. 

and

2.      We are followers of Christ, which means our futures are in His hands.  He controls the outcome of all of this….not me.  Not even Marc. 

As my sad, stubborn, rebellious hear began to process all of this, I reacted with humility, acceptance, and grace. 

NOT. 

I ran. 

I quit my Bible study on James for about 4 days and immersed myself in YAHOO News.  Because they get the facts STRAIGHT. 

And a Malaysian airplane was shot down. 

And troops “next door” began training exercises. 

And sanctions were flying back and forth so quickly that they were leaving streaks on my computer screen. 

I began to panic. 

What if?

What if? 

I knew where to go to find comfort. 

But I was afraid of what I’d be asked to give up. 

I went anyways. 

And I surrendered my rebellion.

I took off my yoke, and I put on His. 

Matthew 11:28-30:  Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” 

And I was lighter. 

And I did find rest. 

God soothed my troubled soul through the eternal perspective that radiates through scripture. 

James 4:14:  How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?  Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. 

If my girls suffer their entire lives on this earth, their lives are still but a vapor compared to eternity.

Matthew 5:11-12:  God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers.  Be happy about it!  Be very glad!  For a great reward awaits you in heaven.  And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way. 

If my girls suffer because of the fearful and wonderful way God made them, they will be rewarded in heaven. 

And then I read this beauty: 

Psalm 68:5  Father to the fatherless, defender of widows—this is God, whose dwelling is holy. 

Which means that while our girls are waiting for a family, God is their FATHER! 

Wow! 

It doesn’t get better than that! 

It doesn’t mean my girls aren’t suffering, either.

But GOD KNOWS that what the girls are gaining from their current situation is of far greater value eternally than earthly ease or comfort. 

I realized that Yahoo News was not truth, but that these things were: 

Bad guy troops cannot set foot onto good guy soil without God ordaining it. 

Matthew 8:27:  The disciples were amazed.  “Who is this man?”  they asked.  “Even the winds and waves obey him!” 

Our girls cannot be separated from God’s love. 

Romans 8:35-39:  Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love?  Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”)   No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.  And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.  Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

If I enter into life with the purpose of bringing glory to God, I cannot fail. 

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12:  So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call.  May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do.  Then the name of our Lord Jesus will be honored because of the way you live, and you will be honored along with him.  This is all made possible because of the grace of our God and Lord, Jesus Christ. 

And I must SUBMIT to HIS WILL.  And when I do, I will find that I can REJOICE, no matter where I find that path leading me. 

So, we may be adopting twin girls, if the Lord allows. 

But we will for sure be bringing glory to God. 

Isaiah 26:8:  Lord, we show our trust in you by obeying your laws; our heart’s desire is to glorify your name. 

PS…We have news!  Click HERE or the “HERE” at the top of the page to find our latest update!  WOO HOO!!!!


**Nadia and Nancy are not the girls' real names.  They are also not the names we have picked out for them!  To check out what we're going to name them, click on this link and watch our youngest, Michael, teaching Russian!    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yKUPft1rZU

Submission: Part One

I. LOVE. TO. TALK.

I should get paid to do it.  Seriously.

Marc, my husband, says he loves that about me.  But I also know that it annoys him, because early on in our relationship, he started this habit:  he would do the ASL sign for NO as close to my face as possible, and he would say, "Pssst, Woman!"

Now I HATED when he did that, so I decided that the best way to get Marc to stop would be to do it back, only I got confused.

I do that with words sometimes--like the time I told my college roommate that she almost castrated (decapitated) me.  Or the time I was explaining CPR to a Foreign Exchange Student and asked where his scrotum (sternum) was.

Anyway...I snapped the NO sign his face and said, "Ept, Man!"

See what I did there?  I said Ept instead of Pst.  Three letters, two the same, but not quite right.

Marc was like, "Ept?  What is Ept?"  And he laughed at me!

We later saw a commercial for Error-proof Pregnancy Tests, and we both laughed.  I figured out where I'd gotten E.P.T.

I tell that story to make you laugh and to lead you to a very big and important lesson that I have been learning over the last year:  It's been all about learning to be quiet and listen, and it can be summed up in one word:  SUBMISSION.

It's a big word, and in today's culture, it is a pretty controversial one.

Done the Bible's way, it is something that brings great joy!

But not a lot of people see it that way.

I sure didn't.

For the most part, I would say I've submitted to my husband.  But not the right way.  I kicked, screamed, pouted, fussed, and fought, and finally submitted because he was stronger than me.

Doesn't sound very joyful, does it?

This last fall, my MOMS group started a Bible Study by Elizabeth George:  A Woman After God's Own Heart.  In that book, Mrs. George talked about the Biblical roles of husband and wife, and she talks about the Biblical attitudes wives should have towards their husbands.

She used these scriptures:

Ephesians 5:22-24:  You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord  For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior.  As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.

Ephesians 5:33:  So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

1 Peter 3:1-2:  In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the Good news. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words.  They will be won over by watching your pure, godly behavior.

Titus 2:4-5:  These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to take care of their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands.  Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

Genesis 2:18:  And the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a companion who will help him."

I was full of grief when I read those passages.  That was not how I treated my husband.

And what's worse...my relationship with my husband was supposed to be an example of the church's relationship with God, the church which I was a part of.  (Ephesians 5:24)

If I didn't "get" submission with my husband, chances were I wasn't "getting" submission with God, either.

I needed to CONFESS and REPENT and TURN far away from my sinful attitude towards Marc and towards God.

Now, please, let me make something clear.

I didn't FEEL like submitting to God or to Marc.

But I KNEW it was the Biblical thing to do.

Which meant, in the beginning, my feelings did not line up with my actions.  Some days, they still don't.  But i am learning that my feelings should never be an excuse for my actions.

Okay.

Elizabeth George's first piece of advice was to find a word to use as my first response:  no matter what my husband said.

Mine was ABSOLUTELY!

Hey, Babe, is it okay if I get wings with the guys tonight?

ABSOLUTELY!

Hey, Beck, I'm thinking of rearranging the living room furniture.

ABSOLUTELY!

It took a few weeks for him to stop looking at me cross-eyed and asking me if I was being sarcastic, but eventually, he began to get it.

And he began to change.

He became more confident.   More assertive.  More diligent.

WOW.

It became easier to say!

And then, the requests got harder to face.

Becca, i think maybe God is calling us to buy a house.

Swallow.

ABSOLUTELY.

Babe, you know how we've been praying about adopting those two girls with special needs?  I just don't see how it could be possible.  We'd better shelve it for a while.

Tears.

ABSOLUTELY.

But...

But...

But....

But...

I reneged on my absolutely so many times for that one.  Until I realized something.

I was acting like an inmate.

There are days when inmates bang and bang and bang and bang on their cell doors, desperate to get out.  But banging will not open those doors...it will only bruise their hands.

I am (metaphorically, of course) banging on a door.  And just like the inmate, I will never get it open that way.  i need a key.  And because Marc is the head of our family, God will give that key to him at the time he so chooses--if he so chooses.

It is my job, therefore, to submit.  To stop banging on the door.  To realize that God has me here on PURPOSE.  Which means He has work for me to do...something much more important for me than banging on doors.

Figuring that out was essential as I worked to submit.  Eventually, I was able, only by God's grace and power, to submit to God and Marc, on the topic of adoption.

It was hard.  And I didn't want to do it.

But you know what happened when I did?

JOY.  Unspeakable, unexplainable joy.

Psalm 2:12:  Submit to God's royal son, or he will become angry, and you will be destroyed in the midst of your pursuits--for his anger can flare up in an instant.  But what joy for all who find protection in him!

Marc and I at the beginning of our journey!  

Now, of course, you're thinking...but what happened?  Aren't you adopting those special needs girls you were telling us about?

Here's the really cool part.

When i finally learned to E.P.T., when I truly and fully surrendered to Marc and God...

BAM!

God started working in Marc's heart and in our lives.

We didn't live in the right county to get services the girls needed, AND our house was awfully small for four children.

BAM!

Marc's parents offered to help us buy a bigger house, and we found one in the right county.

I would need to quit my job to stay home,yet still help support our family financially.

BAM!

Flexible tutoring jobs became available -- enough to sustain our financial need.

Our boys needed to show growth spiritually.

BAM!

They both began to initiate Biblical discussion and insight.

We needed to find ways to finance our adoption.

BAM!

God plopped some incredible ideas and a whole lot of faith right into our craniums and coronaries.

As all of these things happened, Marc and I began--with Marc leading--to pray and search scripture together.  Our relationship grew stronger.  We began to see things more clearly.  I began to trust him more readily.

And then, one day,

BAM!

Becca, i think God is calling us to adopt those little girls.

WHAT?

And

BAM!

I hit the floor.

Figuratively, of course.

Now, this is just the beginning of my journey with submission.

God is having to pry this stubborn sin out of my hands as i slowly learn to unclench them.

I have more I want to tell you!  But for now, let me leave you with this:

Proverbs 3:5-6:  Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.  

Embrace the Crazy

I’ve wrecked a lot of cars.  Which is really sad because I’ve been driving 3 years less than most people my age. 

The good news is that my husband and I  carry really good car insurance. 

My 2^nd major accident took place in Fort Wayne, Indiana on icy roads.  I lost control of my little Ford Taurus on a four-lane highway, and when I stopped spinning I ended up stalled out, facing the wrong way.  A semi truck was coming right toward me.

 

I braced myself for impact. 

It’s an action I find myself doing a lot lately. 

“Hey, Becky, what’s new with you?”

“Well, we’re adopting 7 year old special needs twin girls from [insert name of Eastern European country on the brink of civil war here]. 

Brace for impact.

Prepare for condemning questions.

Prepare for disapproval.

Prepare for lectures and concerns. 

I lie awake at night planning rebuttals in my head.  And I walk around feeling constantly like Lucille Ball, who’s just heard for the 100^th time, “Lucy!  You have some ‘splainin’ to do!” 

And I think God has been telling me to chill out.  To relax.  To embrace the crazy. 

Because, believe me, that is exactly how most people view what we are doing! 

And what God wants me to do is to stop focusing on the world’s view of me and start focusing on His view of me. 

I STINK AT THAT. 

Really.

I am even worse at it than I am at driving.  Which is saying something.  Just ask Val Quinby.  Or my husband.  Or my kids.  Or my dad.

A BOX IN A BOX! 

Oh, dear; I digress. 

See…

I want to seem smart. 

I want to seem wise. 

I want to seem practical. 

I want to seem responsible. 

I want to seem dependable. 

But lately, I’ve just been getting a “You’re crazy” vibe.  Which means I’m actually in pretty good company, if I really think about it. 

Uh, Abe, honey, I know I’m like 99 and all, but I’m pretty sure I’m about to have your baby. 

Genesis 21:1-7:  The Lord kept his word and did for Sarah exactly what he had promised.  She became pregnant, and she gave birth to a son for Abraham in his old age. This happened at just the time God had said it would.  And Abraham named their son Isaac. Eight days after Isaac was born, Abraham circumcised him as God had commanded. Abraham was 100 years old when Isaac was born.  And Sarah declared, “God has brought me laughter.  All who hear about this will laugh with me.  Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse a baby? Yet I have given Abraham a son in his old age!”

So, Pharaoh, I just had a conversation with a bush.  But not just any bush, a burning one, only it wasn’t burning, just on fire, and anyways, the Lord of the bush—well, the Lord of everybody and everything—He wants you to free the millions of slaves on whom you depend to support your vast and wealthy economy.  

Exodus 5:1-3:  After this presentation to Israel’s leaders, Moses and Aaron went and spoke to Pharaoh. They told him, “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: Let my people go so they may hold a festival in my honor in the wilderness.”  “Is that so?” retorted Pharaoh. “And who is the Lord? Why should I listen to him and let Israel go? I don’t know the Lord, and I will not let Israel go.”   But Aaron and Moses persisted. “The God of the Hebrews has met with us,” they declared. “So let us take a three-day journey into the wilderness so we can offer sacrifices to the Lord our God. If we don’t, he will kill us with a plague or with the sword.”

Hey, guys!  We’re going to defeat a whole nation of giant heathens by marching around their wall and singing!  

Joshua 6:6-7:  So Joshua called together the priests and said, “Take up the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant, and assign seven priests to walk in front of it, each carrying a ram’s horn.” Then he gave orders to the people: “March around the town, and the armed men will lead the way in front of the Ark of the Lord.”

Um, so you 100 men, it’s time to fight this gigantic army, that outnumbers us by a handful less than, oh, let’s see, a BILLION, yeah, we’re going to fight them with torches and trumpets.  Ya’ll ready to rumble? 

Judges 7:17-18:  Then he said to them, “Keep your eyes on me. When I come to the edge of the camp, do just as I do. As soon as I and those with me blow the rams’ horns, blow your horns, too, all around the entire camp, and shout, ‘For the Lord and for Gideon!’”

Relax, King! I can beat your enemy all by myself!  He outweighs me by like…a small house, but I’ve got this! 

1 Samuel 17:32-37:   “Don’t worry about this Philistine,” David told Saul. “I’ll go fight him!”  “Don’t be ridiculous!” Saul replied. “There’s no way you can fight this Philistine and possibly win! You’re only a boy, and he’s been a man of war since his youth.”  But David persisted. “I have been taking care of my father’s sheep and goats,” he said. “When a lion or a bear comes to steal a lamb from the flock,  I go after it with a club and rescue the lamb from its mouth. If the animal turns on me, I catch it by the jaw and club it to death.  I have done this to both lions and bears, and I’ll do it to this pagan Philistine, too, for he has defied the armies of the living God!  The Lord who rescued me from the claws of the lion and the bear will rescue me from this Philistine!” Saul finally consented. “All right, go ahead,” he said. “And may the Lord be with you!”

So…I know you could kill me just for being here and all…but if you would just listen, I have this slightly kind of large favor to ask of you, Mr. King, Sir…

Esther 7:3-4:  Queen Esther replied, “If I have found favor with the king, and if it pleases the king to grant my request, I ask that my life and the lives of my people will be spared. For my people and I have been sold to those who would kill, slaughter, and annihilate us. If we had merely been sold as slaves, I could remain quiet, for that would be too trivial a matter to warrant disturbing the king.”

I know that your people will hate me and abuse me, and that we’ll probably starve to death.  But really, my dear mother-in-law, I don’t want to go back to my wealthy and settled family.  I want to come with you.  To be poor.  And probably die. 

Ruth 1:16-18:   But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.  Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!”  When Naomi saw that Ruth was determined to go with her, she said nothing more.

And let’s not forget the mother of all crazies. 

So, Joe, I’m pregnant.  But don’t worry; I didn’t cheat on you.  I’m still a virgin.  God put this baby in my womb so He could be born and grow up to save the world from sin. 

Matthew 1:18-19:  This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, her fiancé, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly.

Crazy seems to be God’s M.O.

Why?

Well, I found that answer on top of a mountain, which was where I really began to think about what the Bible says about perspective. 

1 Corinthians 13:1-13:  If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.  If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud  or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!  Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.  When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

In this chapter, God asks me to do CRAZY things.

To be patient.

To be kind. 

To refrain from jealousy. 

To refrain from boasting. 

To refrain from pride.

To refrain from rudeness.

To refrain from demanding my own way. 

To refrain from keeping records of wrong.

To refrain from rejoicing about injustice. 

To rejoice over truth. 

To never give up. 

To never lose faith.

To always be faithful.

To endure through every circumstance. 

Try that for one day with everyone you come in contact.  I guarantee you’ll get some crazy stares. 

Why?

Because we as humans cannot possibly see the BIG PICTURE and understand why doing these crazy things is so important. 

But God sees.  And we’ll see, too, someday.  1 Corinthians 13:12 says that we see confusing things that are imperfect—but one day, we’ll get why the “crazy” things are so necessary. 

I realized that on top of Max Patch Mountain.  When I’m at the base looking up, all I see is this impossibly difficult climb.  Why would anyone want to try that?  All I can see is the mountain.  But if I embrace the crazy, put one foot in front of the other, even when my brain and thigh muscles and lungs are screaming, “What the heck?!?!?—“  I will eventually get to the top.  And I will see the rolling hills, the mountains that are so beautiful I can hardly stand to blink.  And I will think, “Man, that was so worth it!” 

My sister, Annie, my cousin, Mary, and me on Max Patch Mountain

See, God has that view all the time.  And He’s at the top, telling me, who is at the bottom, to climb up.  But I can’t see the whole picture.  I can’t understand why so much work could be “worth it.”  But one day I will see—if I just turn from my selfish ways, take up my cross, and follow Jesus up the side of the mountain (paraphrase of Matthew 16:24). 

My dad touched on this when he wrote a tribute to the former mayor of my old stomping grounds.  He said: 

“Roger had something to sell and it was his city, his community and the people he shared it with.  He truly believed Bucyrus and Crawford County could and would recover.  He believed it so strongly that he had little time and perhaps less patience for those who insisted otherwise.  Such is often the case with a visionary.  A visionary can see because he or she will not let themselves become overwhelmed and allow obstacles and issues to drown out and block off what lies beyond.  It’s called perspective.  It’s a little like moving your hand far enough away from your face to see what’s on the other side.  Roger had that perspective for his community.” 

I guess you could say that I have something to sell. 

It’s not adoption.

It’s not even caring for orphans. 

Selling those is God’s job, through the convicting words of scripture. 

What’s mine to sell is God’s redeeming grace. 

He made it available to me thousands of years ago when He sent His Son to pay for my sins on a shameful, pain filled, wooden cross. 

And in Matthew 28:19-20, Jesus commands me to share it with others:  Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Which is exactly what Marc and I believe we’re doing as we travel this mountain trail of adoption…

To a country on the brink of civil war.

To a set of twins, who have difficult diagnoses.

To a life of unpredictable hardship not just for us but for our community of family and friends. 

I guess embracing the crazy means that I stop worrying about what I see, and what those around me see, and I start trusting the eyes of God, who sees all things. 

Jeremiah 29:11   For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.