Never Say Never

MY SISTER IS ENGAGED!

I am so excited! 

A)      That she married an awesome man

B)     That she finally made it Facebook Official so that I can scream and shout the news from the top of Grandfather Mountain

And

C)     So I can PLAN, PLAN, PLAN!

I have an entire Pinterest board designated to lighting, flowers, photography, and invitations.  

I am so ready for this. 

Of course, the first thing I did when I found out was to begin peppering them with questions. 

When?

Where?

How many?

Colors?

Theme?

And believe it or not, this was their response: 

We’ll call you an hour ahead of time and let you know when to show up. 

See, they knew me.  They knew my penchant, my desire, my passion for planning. 

For arranging.

For controlling.

For taking over.

Ugh. 

They are so right. 

I LOVE TO PLAN. 

I love to color code and chart and graph and statistize, which is probably not even a word. 

I honestly don’t think any of those things is bad…in moderation. 

And how do you moderate something?

You surrender it.  You give up control.  You say, okay, LORD, I am on the road that leads to YOU.  And if at some point the road of planning takes a detour, I will not follow it.  I will continue to seek you. 

Easier said than done, eh? 

Especially for me. 

God actually had to land my day planner in the washing machine in order to get me to surrender my plans. 

Really! 

I especially struggle when it comes to the big things.  I want to be able to VISUALIZE my life 5, 10, 20, 50 years from now.  And I work and hone that image until it’s just right.  And then I say to God, “Okay!  I’ve got things figured out.  This is exactly how I want it.  And in order to ensure my version of a picture perfect future, I know this: 

I will NEVER quit this job. 

I will NEVER home school. 

I will NEVER move from this house. 

I will NEVER adopt children with special needs.

Write it down, LORD.  I mean it.” 

I sure don’t sound like a humble human approaching the throne of the almighty, sovereign God. 

And He is Almighty. 

Revelation 19:6   Then I heard again what sounded like the shout of a vast crowd or the roar of mighty ocean waves or the crash of loud thunder:  “Praise the Lord!   For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns.”

And He is Sovereign. 

Isaiah 40:10 Yes, the Sovereign Lord is coming in power.  He will rule with a powerful arm.  See, he brings his reward with him as he comes.

Which means I can scream and shout my plans and my nevers from the top of Grandfather  Mountain, and He is going to do His Will anyways. 

In the Bible, there’s an analogy of God, the potter, and our hearts, the clay. 

Isaiah 64:8 And yet, O Lord, you are our Father.  We are the clay, and you are the potter.  We all are formed by your hand.

Any potter will tell you that soft, supple clay is much easier to use.  Hard clay must be pounded and kneaded and thrown against an even harder surface in order to soften it so that it can be made into pottery.  And clay that turns itself into something that God cannot use—that takes itself through the fire—must be smashed into bits and ground down so that the process can be started all over again. 

Jeremiah 19:1,10:  This is what the Lord said to me: “Go and buy a clay jar. Then ask some of the leaders of the people and of the priests to follow you…. As these men watch you, Jeremiah, smash the jar you brought.”

Jeremiah 31:4 “I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel.  You will again be happy and dance merrily with your tambourines.”

OUCH!

God has been busting up and grinding out my nevers for a long time. 

I am weary.

I am weak. 

And you know what the Bible says about being WEARY and WEAK? 

2 Corinthians 12:9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

It means I am finally ready to be used by God. 

To be a full time mother. 

To move to a bigger house…

so we have room for our adopted special needs children…

who I will home school for at least the first year they are home. 

If there’s one thing that God has taught me over the last 2 years, it’s this:  Being weak and weary and in the hands of God is much better than being strong and steady on my own. 

And I’ve never felt so weak and weary as I have throughout this adoption process! 

I can plan all I want to, but most days I am at the mercy of government officials and the United States Postal (as in POST when it needed to get there, as in POSTAL driving me POSTAL crazy) Service. 

Seven thousand things seem to have already delayed our process. 

Family crises with the people at our home study agency.

Silly, tiny mistakes in our dossier paperwork. 

The Ohio Secretary of State apostilling documents wrong.  

County assessors who refuse to sign our paperwork. 

I could go on and on!

And…

 Seven thousand things could continue delay our process, even after the courts officially  declare the girls as part of our family. 

We could travel in 4 months or in 7 months. 

We could come home with the girls whose pictures we display proudly, or we could land ourselves in Eastern Europe only to find that they’ve already been adopted by someone else, or they’ve gone home to be with Jesus. 

And let’s not forget the billions of medical misdiagnoses or non-diagnoses the girls could have! 

Or the fact that they have been transferred to an institution…which is FAR worse than even difficult orphanages. 

AHHHHHHHH! 

It’s enough to drive even the most laid-back person insane. 

But it’s God’s plan. 

God’s way. 

And while every single thing could go wrong, I know that He will work it all out for His glorious definition of good. 

Romans 8:28:  And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

And while it may seem as though nothing in the world could possibly convince the governments or organizations involved to cooperate, God can, because He is the One who has placed them in authority. 

Romans 13:1:  Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God.

The only never is this: 

Deuteronomy 31:8:  The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

The almighty, sovereign God of the universe has promised to never leave me or forsake me—me, who sins and scoffs at His plans for my life, who must be kneaded and pounded and ground down to dust before I finally surrender to His hand. 

1 Peter 5:6-7:  So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.