Babies Don’t Grow on Trees, You Know.

So, my boys talked me into renting movies (I am NOT a movie buff).  We went to Family Video, where kids’ movies are free, and I unsuccessfully tried to talk them into things like Barbie and Mermaid and Tips on French Braiding Hair.  We wound up with a Ninja Turtles, two types of Batman, and the Justice League.  I can’t wait until I have girls!

Anyways…

We’re watching Justice League, and Elastic Man’s wife makes a voluptuous entrance with her Elasti-Baby and Weiner Dog.  She says something like, “Hey Mr. Stretchy Pants!  You and your sidekick need to take the kid and the pooch to the Art Show!  Now!” 

I can’t say I am a fan of the show’s portrayal of family dynamics. 

Then, Mrs. Bossy says something that about makes me fall off my chair.  She parts with, “Make sure you’re careful.  Babies don’t grow on trees, you know.” 

At first I chuckled.  I mean, duh!  Of course babies don’t grow on trees.  Can you imagine them hanging from their belly buttons, kicking and wiggling?  Maybe it was because I wasn't getting enough sleep, but the whole thing just tickled me.  I laughed and laughed. 

The phrase stuck with me. 

And after awhile, I realized that as silly as it was, it was a concept that people everywhere didn't seem to grasp.    

In Eastern Europe, where our girls are living, people only love perfect babies.  Ones with physical, mental, or emotional differences are tossed aside and locked away in cold, calloused institutions where they are neglected, starved, and abused.  They are no different than the apples at the orchard that are dismissed from the sale shelf because they are spotted or misshapen or soft on one side.  But babies aren't meant to be treated like apples.  

In America, we have legalized murder.  We call it abortion.  We rip babies out of their mommies’ tummies before they’re ready to survive on their own.  It’s like the man who mows over his tomato plants before they've blossomed because he doesn't want to take time to mow around them.  But babies aren't meant to be treated like tomatoes. 

As I was thinking of all of these things, the verses from Matthew 19:13-15 came to my mind:   Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them.  Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

And I grew angry at the people all around the world who treat babies like they are no more important than apples or tomatoes. 

It was then that a soft, still voice blew over my soul, stirred a memory in my head, and reminded me that I was no different. 

I used to treat my babies like they grew on trees. 

Sometimes, I still do. 

This is one of the most difficult lessons God has ever taught me, but it has definitely been the one filled with the most blessings. 

When Will was born, I was working at Wynford High School teaching Junior/Senior English, running the school newspaper, and planning prom.  I worked 60-70 hours a week, and was so occupied with my life at work that I often forgot to go home for dinner.  I even tried to schedule my baby’s due date over Easter vacation.    

I loved my job. 

So much so that I poured my whole heart into it—a heart that ultimately should have been God’s.  But I wasn't ready to surrender. 

It took a scary diagnosis and an incredibly patient and loving God to make me realize that he had called me to something far greater than what I was already doing. 

At three, Will was diagnosed with transient tic syndrome, a diagnosis that was later upgraded to Tourette’s Syndrome.  Up until that time, I was perfectly happy letting someone else—my mother—raise him and his brother, Michael, who is two years younger. 

What changed?  God used Will’s Tourette’s to make me see just how much I was missing and how precious the privilege of being a mother really is. 

When Will was diagnosed, we immediately began to search for ways to minimize his tics.  As we searched, we were encouraged to journal his daily diet and habits in order to find patterns and possibly triggers.  The main pattern that I began to notice throughout that process was that I did not spend very much time with my kids.  My mom actually fed them more meals a week than I did.  And it really bothered me. 

After twelve months of thinking and (not as much as I should have) praying over this revelation, God led our family to move out of our home state, away from our families and my job.  God used that time to knead and soften my selfish, hard heart, and when my husband suggested that I take this opportunity to stay home with our boys, I did not balk like I would have twelve months earlier. 

I decided to try my hand at being a stay at home mom.

I wasn't very good at it. 

I was impatient and inconsistent.  I was moody and easily frustrated.  I allowed my emotions to control my interactions with my children, and as a result, our relationship and their behavior did not improve.  After several months, I was desperate for help.  And just at that time, two new friends invited me to a Bible Study for Mothers. 

Through that Bible Study, I was introduced to Shepherding A Child’s Heart, a book by Ted Tripp that pulls amazing Biblical parenting advice and explains it clearly and simply. 

My life was changed!

I began to see my personal responsibility and privilege to parent my children, and I began to understand how to love my children through communication, discipline, and instruction.  I began to see that the focus of our interaction should not be their behavior but the state of their hearts.  I began to lead them to Christ and the glory of God’s redemption of our lives as I worked to know and understand them.  The difference was incredible. 

See, before, when I was not just a working mom but a work-a-holic-mom who hated leaving her job to go home to her kids, I didn't understand the value of my children.  But that changed, and as I started to search scripture, I began to see the truth of Psalms 127:3-5:  Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

I also began to see that I was not unlike my children:  desperate for love and guidance from my heavenly Father.  I learned to help them see that I wasn't pushing them anywhere; I was walking with them to the arms of our Savior.  

The change in our family was drastic.  My boys stopped being angry because I had stopped being angry.  My boys began to adopt attitudes of compassion and grace and love because they saw God’s compassion and grace and love flowing through me. 

It was through learning to love my children as Christ would have me love them that I learned about God’s true love for me.  I began to comprehend the verses in Psalm 139:13-16:  For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Since that time, my husband and I have read Shepherding a Child’s Heart together, and we are passionate sharers of our testimony.  God took our pitiful excuse for parenting, and by his grace, made us passionate searchers for Godly wisdom that will enhance our ability to make our children glorifiers of God. 

I fail daily.  I am selfish and lazy and impatient and fearful and unfocused on a regular basis.  But there is a difference now—I have tethered my calling as a parent to the will of God, and when I get off course, I work to confess my sins and align my actions with God’s directions in the Bible. 

And despite my daily failures, despite the moments when I still treat my precious children as if they grow on trees, God has chosen to add to our quiver through adoption. 

There will be hard days, and there will be days when I fail and when I am broken and when I must confess to God and my children that I have treated them poorly.  But I am confident that God is blessing us as we strive to follow His Will, and I am so grateful for his mercy. 

My prayer is this:  That we all may learn to appreciate children for what they are:  precious, beautiful gifts of God that are molded and formed and made in God’s image to give Him glory. 

 Ephesians 2:10: For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.