Submission: Part One

I. LOVE. TO. TALK.

I should get paid to do it.  Seriously.

Marc, my husband, says he loves that about me.  But I also know that it annoys him, because early on in our relationship, he started this habit:  he would do the ASL sign for NO as close to my face as possible, and he would say, "Pssst, Woman!"

Now I HATED when he did that, so I decided that the best way to get Marc to stop would be to do it back, only I got confused.

I do that with words sometimes--like the time I told my college roommate that she almost castrated (decapitated) me.  Or the time I was explaining CPR to a Foreign Exchange Student and asked where his scrotum (sternum) was.

Anyway...I snapped the NO sign his face and said, "Ept, Man!"

See what I did there?  I said Ept instead of Pst.  Three letters, two the same, but not quite right.

Marc was like, "Ept?  What is Ept?"  And he laughed at me!

We later saw a commercial for Error-proof Pregnancy Tests, and we both laughed.  I figured out where I'd gotten E.P.T.

I tell that story to make you laugh and to lead you to a very big and important lesson that I have been learning over the last year:  It's been all about learning to be quiet and listen, and it can be summed up in one word:  SUBMISSION.

It's a big word, and in today's culture, it is a pretty controversial one.

Done the Bible's way, it is something that brings great joy!

But not a lot of people see it that way.

I sure didn't.

For the most part, I would say I've submitted to my husband.  But not the right way.  I kicked, screamed, pouted, fussed, and fought, and finally submitted because he was stronger than me.

Doesn't sound very joyful, does it?

This last fall, my MOMS group started a Bible Study by Elizabeth George:  A Woman After God's Own Heart.  In that book, Mrs. George talked about the Biblical roles of husband and wife, and she talks about the Biblical attitudes wives should have towards their husbands.

She used these scriptures:

Ephesians 5:22-24:  You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord  For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior.  As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.

Ephesians 5:33:  So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

1 Peter 3:1-2:  In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the Good news. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words.  They will be won over by watching your pure, godly behavior.

Titus 2:4-5:  These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to take care of their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands.  Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

Genesis 2:18:  And the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a companion who will help him."

I was full of grief when I read those passages.  That was not how I treated my husband.

And what's worse...my relationship with my husband was supposed to be an example of the church's relationship with God, the church which I was a part of.  (Ephesians 5:24)

If I didn't "get" submission with my husband, chances were I wasn't "getting" submission with God, either.

I needed to CONFESS and REPENT and TURN far away from my sinful attitude towards Marc and towards God.

Now, please, let me make something clear.

I didn't FEEL like submitting to God or to Marc.

But I KNEW it was the Biblical thing to do.

Which meant, in the beginning, my feelings did not line up with my actions.  Some days, they still don't.  But i am learning that my feelings should never be an excuse for my actions.

Okay.

Elizabeth George's first piece of advice was to find a word to use as my first response:  no matter what my husband said.

Mine was ABSOLUTELY!

Hey, Babe, is it okay if I get wings with the guys tonight?

ABSOLUTELY!

Hey, Beck, I'm thinking of rearranging the living room furniture.

ABSOLUTELY!

It took a few weeks for him to stop looking at me cross-eyed and asking me if I was being sarcastic, but eventually, he began to get it.

And he began to change.

He became more confident.   More assertive.  More diligent.

WOW.

It became easier to say!

And then, the requests got harder to face.

Becca, i think maybe God is calling us to buy a house.

Swallow.

ABSOLUTELY.

Babe, you know how we've been praying about adopting those two girls with special needs?  I just don't see how it could be possible.  We'd better shelve it for a while.

Tears.

ABSOLUTELY.

But...

But...

But....

But...

I reneged on my absolutely so many times for that one.  Until I realized something.

I was acting like an inmate.

There are days when inmates bang and bang and bang and bang on their cell doors, desperate to get out.  But banging will not open those doors...it will only bruise their hands.

I am (metaphorically, of course) banging on a door.  And just like the inmate, I will never get it open that way.  i need a key.  And because Marc is the head of our family, God will give that key to him at the time he so chooses--if he so chooses.

It is my job, therefore, to submit.  To stop banging on the door.  To realize that God has me here on PURPOSE.  Which means He has work for me to do...something much more important for me than banging on doors.

Figuring that out was essential as I worked to submit.  Eventually, I was able, only by God's grace and power, to submit to God and Marc, on the topic of adoption.

It was hard.  And I didn't want to do it.

But you know what happened when I did?

JOY.  Unspeakable, unexplainable joy.

Psalm 2:12:  Submit to God's royal son, or he will become angry, and you will be destroyed in the midst of your pursuits--for his anger can flare up in an instant.  But what joy for all who find protection in him!

Marc and I at the beginning of our journey!  

Now, of course, you're thinking...but what happened?  Aren't you adopting those special needs girls you were telling us about?

Here's the really cool part.

When i finally learned to E.P.T., when I truly and fully surrendered to Marc and God...

BAM!

God started working in Marc's heart and in our lives.

We didn't live in the right county to get services the girls needed, AND our house was awfully small for four children.

BAM!

Marc's parents offered to help us buy a bigger house, and we found one in the right county.

I would need to quit my job to stay home,yet still help support our family financially.

BAM!

Flexible tutoring jobs became available -- enough to sustain our financial need.

Our boys needed to show growth spiritually.

BAM!

They both began to initiate Biblical discussion and insight.

We needed to find ways to finance our adoption.

BAM!

God plopped some incredible ideas and a whole lot of faith right into our craniums and coronaries.

As all of these things happened, Marc and I began--with Marc leading--to pray and search scripture together.  Our relationship grew stronger.  We began to see things more clearly.  I began to trust him more readily.

And then, one day,

BAM!

Becca, i think God is calling us to adopt those little girls.

WHAT?

And

BAM!

I hit the floor.

Figuratively, of course.

Now, this is just the beginning of my journey with submission.

God is having to pry this stubborn sin out of my hands as i slowly learn to unclench them.

I have more I want to tell you!  But for now, let me leave you with this:

Proverbs 3:5-6:  Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.